My Partner Is An Alcoholic: How Can I Help You?

Alcoholism is a disorder that leads to alcohol dependence. In this sense, it is not the same as alcohol abuse, which can be punctual.

Indeed, alcoholism is considered a disease, since it presents a strong physical dependence, that is, it cannot stop drinking because the withdrawal syndrome prevents it. In addition, the alcoholic needs to drink more and more to be able to feel the same effect, as his body adapts to the intake of alcohol.

On the other hand, alcoholism also generates a psychological dependence, so that quitting this addiction becomes something really difficult to achieve without the help of qualified professionals.

Like all addictions, alcohol can cause serious problems in the health and also in the life of the alcoholic person. Indeed, alcoholism has physical, but also psychological repercussions and not only on the addicted person, but also on those around him.

For this reason, it is imperative to recognize the problem, seek help, and begin therapy.  However, what can you do if your partner is an alcoholic? How can you help him? Here are some tips

Help the alcoholic person to realize

Only the addicted person can make the decision to start therapy and detox. In this sense, the people around you can only warn you, but in no case force you.

Therefore, always in a proper way , you can help him to realize that alcohol is a problem. This approach should always be from help and support, and never from an attack position or with the aim of blaming the addict.

For example, you should avoid saying “when you drink you are unbearable or you make a fool of yourself.” On the contrary, we must approach from empathy, emotional intelligence and delicacy, without direct attacks. Thus, it is better to speak in terms of “I know it’s hard …”, “I understand you, but …”.

Also, you should keep in mind that this approach to talking about addiction should always be done in a sober moment. It will be useless to do so when you are under the influence of alcohol.

However, you should be aware that many addicts strongly deny their addiction. In this sense, the fact of helping them to realize it can cause them to turn against you, considering that you are accusing or attacking them.

For all these reasons, always bear in mind that you cannot force anyone to heal if they do not want to. Your role is to help raise awareness of a problem, but nothing more. If the other person insists on not wanting to heal or not understanding that there is a problem, you should not blame yourself for it.

Never help an alcoholic person drink

It is possible that your partner asks you for favors so that you are the one who goes to get the drink. Maybe because they feel embarrassed if they see him go out with more than one bottle, maybe because he is dizzy or for other reasons, they prefer to ask you to be the one to go.

However, you must refuse outright. Indeed, you must make it clear that you do not agree with their addiction and that you consider it a problem. Therefore, if he wants to drink, he will have to buy the alcohol himself. You should not collaborate in maintaining their addiction.

Similarly, your partner may find excuses to go out and have a drink. If you sense that their intention is to drink, you must be clear and assertive and refuse. We insist: you must not collaborate in maintaining their addiction. 

Seek professional help

The rate of chronic alcoholics who have managed to quit their addiction without professional help is very low. So if your partner has become aware that he has a problem and tries to seek help, support him.

There are specialized addiction therapists who can guide you through this great step and difficult path. There are also associations, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, that provide support to those who suffer from these types of addictions.

For your part, you can get involved, looking for a specialist, accompanying him, informing you and talking with the therapist about how you should act so that the detoxification becomes successful. 

Also, you can look for activities to do together in which alcohol is incompatible. For example, going to class together, to the gym, for a walk. Remember that the addict must re-educate himself, that is, he must learn to have fun without alcohol.

Avoid stressful situations or situations that arouse the need to drink

This is always advisable, but much more so when the addict is in therapy, in order to avoid relapses. We must be able to recognize the situations that stress the addict and, therefore, try to avoid them. In effect, stress will make you want to drink, complicating your recovery.

Therefore, we must be vigilant and proactive in order to avoid such situations or moments for the alcoholic person. Is not easy. However, your partner needs all your support and patience. Don’t blame him, he’s sick. Do not attack him, he has problems. What you must do is understand him and give him your support, be there and collaborate in his recovery.

Also, always remember that you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t get it, you’ve done what you could do.