Stop Planting Flowers In The Gardens Of People Who Won’t Water Them

We all plant flowers in other people’s gardens. We do it to nurture our relationships, to create meaningful bonds with the people we think are worthwhile. However, sometimes we wander in the gardens we choose to deposit our seeds of dedication, affection, time and energy.

We are wrong because our actions are not recognized, because there are those who get used to being fed but forget that a relationship is exchange, it is reciprocity and is, above all, the reflection of an emotional maturity where both members win and no one loses.

It is not always easy to build strong and enriching ties with those around us. There are those who fail us, there are those who neglect us and there are those who, sometimes, deliberately leave us aside.

Be that as it may, there is one aspect that we cannot forget: caring for others and always trying to do our best is not bad. On the contrary, it is a reflection of our nobility.

However, it is essential that we never neglect the flower in our garden: our self-esteem. We suggest you reflect on it.

How do you know which people are worth it?

There is no magic formula that allows us to know at a glance who is not going to fail us, who will be upright and who will always give us that closeness in which to find support to grow as a person.

Relationships, whether they are a couple or a friendship, are consolidated over time. After going through those moments when the bond is put to the test. That’s when, almost unwittingly, we discover which people are worth it and which are not.

However, it never hurts to pay attention to a series of dimensions that already give us some clues that can help us.

Emotional coherence

Emotional coherence refers to that psychological balance with which we guarantee to others that we will always act and react in the same way.

• We have all met people with that erratic behavior that makes us so uncomfortable. There are days when they are friendly and approachable and times when they react with a certain coldness and hostility.
• We must be very cautious and intuitive when establishing friendships or relationships with emotionally inconsistent people, profiles that show sudden ups and downs, days when they seem to need us a lot and days when they do not take us into account.

Commitment

Commitment is established through constant interest, that attention that is not lost or broken and a bond that is significantly maintained over time.

This dimension can be reflected in many ways:

• When we need help or support and we have those special people who are worth it.
• Commitment is also expressed by being able to project a common future, establishing plans.

• In turn, those goals must be united. At the moment when it is only we who work for those dreams or goals, the commitment is not authentic.

Satisfaction of basic needs

We all have basic needs. Recognizing it is essential, because otherwise we will make the usual mistake. The mistake of investing in others forgetting that we too deserve and need care, attention and recognition.

These are the basic needs that must be covered in our daily relationships:

• Affected.
• Support for.
• Complicity.
• Mutual trust.
• Be treated with respect.
• That they make us feel that we are valuable and important.
• Be certain that they will always tell us the truth.
• Company.
• Share positive and enriching moments.

Ability to repair, solve and forgive

We all make mistakes. For this reason, we all deserve to have the forgiveness of the people we care about in order to be better, to build stronger relationships.

• However, there are those who tend to maintain a rigid attitude. Who assumes that attitude of “all or nothing” with which to respond with a certain harshness, where doubts, weaknesses or small errors are not admitted.
• At the same time, there are also people who do not know how to reach agreements, who are unable to dialogue.

They do not know how to maintain a conversation with which to clarify ideas, doubts and errors, in order to reach the solution to all the problems that we usually encounter on a daily basis.

This type of personality where someone is not capable of re-building, re-enabling, re-knowing the error or putting adequate means to repair what happened  is, without a doubt, a problematic profile that will bring us more unhappiness than well-being. 

To conclude, if you reflect on these dimensions, you will understand that there are always little clues about those people who are worthwhile and in whom they do invest and plant seeds, illusions and hopes. On the other hand, there are gardens that it is better not to walk.