What Have I Done To Deserve This?

When relationships go bad and we suffer, we sometimes wonder what I have done to deserve this . An attitude that sinks us into deep sadness and that makes us feel that we are not in control of our own life.

We all go through hard times, although some people suffer much more than others. We talk about situations of abuse, painful divorces and even circumstances in which you have emotional dependence.

After a breakup or an attitude on the part of our partner that hurts us, we can ask ourselves “why should I deserve this?” However, it would be much better to transform this into a “ what can I learn from this experience? “.

Feeling victim of circumstance

When we think about what I have done to deserve this, that my partner abandons me, that he mistreats me or that my relationship has ended, we adopt a position of victims.

We believe that life is against us, that we have done nothing wrong to make things so bad. It’s true! We have not done anything wrong, but it is that painful circumstances do not choose us, they just happen.

We tend to believe that everything in life should be fine by default. Meanwhile, we reject all those moments in which things go terribly wrong.

We escaped from all this. For this reason, sometimes, we have certain types of behaviors in our relationships with the aim of being faithful to a single thought: “everything is fine.”

We endure disrespect from our partner in the name of love. We tolerate having to depend on someone in order to feel happy.

We give ourselves second and third chances not to break a relationship that falls apart.

Nothing happens if a relationship doesn’t go well. But it does happen if we perpetuate a harmful relationship, which is not good for us. Why do we wonder later what I have done to deserve this?

What we call “bad” is sometimes “good”

Many people still do not understand that the word “bad” does not have to refer to an unpleasant situation. Sometimes “bad” has a lot of “good”.

Consider a couple that is held together by children. They can’t stand each other, they argue every day and they even cheat, which increases the arguments. Would it really be bad to cut your losses?

There are many beliefs that are strongly installed in our minds and that yell at us “children have to grow up in a united family”, “not having a partner makes you unhappy”, “if at 40 you don’t have a partner you will be alone forever” …

These beliefs do a lot of damage, because they push us to be in a relationship, causing children to hear fights and how we disrespect each other on a daily basis, instead of educating them in an environment free of all this and full of peace.

Also, these types of beliefs push us to suffer emotional dependence, believing that only as a couple will we be happy. Thus we deposit all our happiness in the hands of another person.

Learn from past experiences

The positive of everything that can happen to us and that can make us suffer is that we can and must learn from it to move forward and not fall into the same mistakes.

If we do not learn, it is normal that we constantly regret the same thing. Beliefs can have great power in causing us to blame circumstances for our pain.

However, why not learn from all this to make different decisions? Why not take responsibility for our life?

It is not a question of deserving or not: it is a question of learning. Every experience, no matter how painful, can lead to enriching learning.

This will allow us to grow as people, strengthen our values, get to know ourselves much better and find what produces true well-being.

Life is not eternal, so complaining, victimizing and lamenting for a long period of time or a lifetime is a real waste.

Let us be aware of how we live our life and always seek balance in it.